I can remember vividly the interior of my uncles tow truck. The dingy saddle blanket seat cover embedded with dirt and cigaret smoke. The quarter inch of dust and smoke layered on the dash, CB and miscellaneous paperwork that wouldn't get touched for months. I can still remember getting woken up at 5am by my uncles low cool voice and slow demeanor. A mixing bowl of Frosted Flakes in my lap as I tried desperately to keep up with him at breakfast.
The cab of the truck afforded a great view of the north-east tip of the Olympic Peninsula. Most of it was viewed with my head out the window gasping for air as my uncle filled the cab with cigarette smoke regularly.
"You smoke yet?" he'd ask every summer when I came to visit. It was almost ritual.
"Nope," I'd reply.
"Good, don't start, it's a nasty habit." Of course his way with words is hard to recreate in type. The low voice and almost kung-fu like pace of speaking somehow put extra weight on things. The irony of him telling me not to smoke as he habitually tapped the pack of cigarettes on the steering wheel and lit another wasn't lost on me, even in my teens. He should have died of emphysema, not 25 bullets.
Conversations with my uncle were usually short, sweet and to the point. Much of them fundamental in driving or a great life lesson. It's amazing how much you learn from a person who doesn't say much. The company he kept always intrigued me with its wide variety of characters from all walks of life. He was a man's man but the way he looked out for those around him showed deep compassion. He seemed to always have an eye out for the future, how his actions now might best affect the world around him later.
My head's out the window, it's mid-afternoon and we're passing Jefferson County International Airport. As a 15 year old kid I'm watching everything, soaking it all in. I notice my uncles hand raise up off the steering wheel in an almost obligatory wave. The truck going the other direction returns the sign.
"He must know that guy," I thought to myself. A few more cars pass and another pickup truck passes, the hand goes up but this time...no response.
Odd, he's only waving at specific people but not all of them return the wave. I keep silent and start to monitor this pattern, wondering if I can build the courage to ask about it. I start to figure it out. He waves when it's a truck but not at cars or vans. But then, just as I think I've got it, a couple Harley Davidsons pass and he waves. Amazingly enough, they return the sign.
Now I've gotta know. What's with this wave thing. I finally muster up the courage to ask late in the afternoon.
"Why do you wave at oncoming trucks?"
"I want them to notice the tow truck so I wave," he replies.
"But you only wave at certain vehicles?"
"Most of our customers are local and drive pick-up trucks, plus now that we can tow motorcycles, I wave at bikes too."
How often do you see people waving from the drivers seat? The friendly gesture intrigued me but disappeared from my memory as life barreled forward. It was a genius way to drum up a report with the locals and caught potential customers off guard when they received a friendly gesture.
Half a lifetime later I found myself waving just like my uncle used to, but for different reasons. Now I own a Jeep Rubicon and a Scooter. Both vehicles build a population of drivers who wave at one another when you pass. It's not about building a customer base but encouraging a community. The obligatory wave is a recognition of another human in a similar situation. You might not know them, you might never actually see them again but the wave does something to the soul. It's hard to be emotional distressed when your riding around with the top off and another Jeeper waves at you. It's a gentle reminder how good life is and that there are people out there always willing to wave back.
I don't think I got into riding motorcycles or jeeps just to wave at other people but the ever constant reminder of my uncle every time I gesture at a passing rig is a welcomed God-wink. I'd like to believe that action is paying it forward just a little bit. Heaven forbid we reach-out to others, even when it's just a simple wave.
Showing posts with label Family. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Family. Show all posts
Friday, June 15, 2012
Sunday, May 8, 2011
Our Moms are Better Than Your Moms
Or maybe we're just biased?

Either way, Jim and I hit the jackpot when it comes to moms (and mothers-in-law).
Happy Mother's Day to the matriarchs. Long may you rave!

Either way, Jim and I hit the jackpot when it comes to moms (and mothers-in-law).
Happy Mother's Day to the matriarchs. Long may you rave!
Thursday, March 24, 2011
Wedding Reception Photo Booth - BRILLIANT!
At the risk of sounding incredibly Bridezilla-esque, I had one really awesome wedding planning idea. The best part is that it actually turned out as well (or better?!) than I'd imagined.
Behold the Photo Booth:
Okay, so it wasn't my own original idea...I saw it on the wedding blogs first...but I tweeked it my own way so I'm claiming it. The PB was a cheap way to liven up the reception and ensure fun candids of something other than cake-cutting.
In truth, it wasn't a booth. It was a wall. We found a big piece of red fabric at a discount warehouse in Minneapolis and taped it to the wall. We set up our own tripod and digital camera (since the last thing on my mind that day was snapping pictures) and took a few test shots to ensure the lighting was okay.
Behold the test shot:
I raided my costume bin and that of an equally well-provisioned friend, and then added about $14 of silly stuff from the party store.
I grabbed a couple cheap frames from Goodwill and spray-painted them black (ala Mrs. Lovely).
And tossed in a couple cheap dry-erase boards (lots of people were using chalkboards for this on the fancy wedding blogs).
But the best part comes to us from Her Royal Craftiness, Martha. Her Moustache-on-a-Stick idea (with a few modifications) won the day!
We made the moustaches out of thin stiff felt (found at Michael's) and hot-glued them to small dowels (also found at Michaels).
Good times had by all! And these are going straight into the guestbook =)



Saved for last, my favorite PB shot:
If you've ever met my crazy step-dad this makes all kinds of sense. Sometimes I look at it just for a good laugh.
Behold the Photo Booth:
In truth, it wasn't a booth. It was a wall. We found a big piece of red fabric at a discount warehouse in Minneapolis and taped it to the wall. We set up our own tripod and digital camera (since the last thing on my mind that day was snapping pictures) and took a few test shots to ensure the lighting was okay.
Behold the test shot:
Good times had by all! And these are going straight into the guestbook =)
Tuesday, February 8, 2011
Happy Birthday Mom!
Today is my favorite Mom's birthday! I tried to be responsible and call her, but she was out having birthday fun and didn't answer her phone. So I'll leave my birthday greetings here on the blog and, sometime in the next week or two, she'll figure out that I didn't actually forget her on her special day. This kind of emotion is ripe for a made-for-TV movie.

Reasons my mom is rad (in no particular order):
* Single-handedly keeping the Post-It company in the black.
* Has an iPod loaded with classical music.
* Her philosophy on aging: "Every decade is better than the last."
* Frequently walks into a room, forgets why she's there, and wanders out again. Doesn't seem bothered by this.
* Will try anything. We taught her "Just Dance" on the Wii at Christmas and she showed us all up.
* Strategically places chapsticks in places where she needs them. At last count there were 14 chapsticks placed around the house and car.
* Cooks the tastiest healthiest tastiest food. Nom nom!
* Has an impeccable list-keeping system for everything but misplaces the list...
* Let's me win Scrabble every few years.
* Plays trombone like it's her job. I have yet to see her meet her equal.
* Her philosophy on parenting: "Let's just sit back and watch her and see what she does."
* Sings everything in solfege. EVERTHING.
* Is in better shape than I am, and probably always will be.
* Rides the bus because she thinks it's fun to figure out the best home-aerobics-Albertsons-home route.
* Doesn't sweat the small stuff.
I could go on and on, but I have to go to dance class (where I am failing miserably at Foxtrot, but having a lovely time doing it).
HAPPY BIRTHDAY, MOM!!! Love you =)

Reasons my mom is rad (in no particular order):
* Single-handedly keeping the Post-It company in the black.
* Has an iPod loaded with classical music.
* Her philosophy on aging: "Every decade is better than the last."
* Frequently walks into a room, forgets why she's there, and wanders out again. Doesn't seem bothered by this.
* Will try anything. We taught her "Just Dance" on the Wii at Christmas and she showed us all up.
* Strategically places chapsticks in places where she needs them. At last count there were 14 chapsticks placed around the house and car.
* Cooks the tastiest healthiest tastiest food. Nom nom!
* Has an impeccable list-keeping system for everything but misplaces the list...
* Let's me win Scrabble every few years.
* Plays trombone like it's her job. I have yet to see her meet her equal.
* Her philosophy on parenting: "Let's just sit back and watch her and see what she does."
* Sings everything in solfege. EVERTHING.
* Is in better shape than I am, and probably always will be.
* Rides the bus because she thinks it's fun to figure out the best home-aerobics-Albertsons-home route.
* Doesn't sweat the small stuff.
I could go on and on, but I have to go to dance class (where I am failing miserably at Foxtrot, but having a lovely time doing it).
HAPPY BIRTHDAY, MOM!!! Love you =)
Thursday, January 27, 2011
The Great Christmas Letter War
Like so many others, my parents (mom & step-dad) send a Christmas letter. In addition to newsy tidbits about their hiking, gardening, and tromboning, there are updates on the kids - myself and my step-brother, Ben.
Let me give you a little context: when our parents married, Ben was 21 and I was 12, so we didn't "grow up together" the way other siblings do. Ben came home from college in the summers, but we never had the share-a-room-fight-over-the-phone-hair-pulling kind of sibling relationship. We like each other, we like to spend time together. We're cool. In fact, I admire him because he's a really awesome person. No spats. No rivalry. No nonsense.
Here's the problem: Ben's exceedingly proud papa is the author of the family Christmas letter. And it shows. Anyone reading the letter gets all kinds of updates on all the ways Ben is overachieving and/or saving the world this year.
Ben bought the most beautiful historic home.
Ben is restoring that beautiful historic home himself. Impeccably.
Ben is the President of a fancy community organization.
Ben gives trombone recitals to benefit aforementioned organization. No one has ever played more beautifully.
Ben hiked here and there. More miles than anyone's ever hiked before.
Ben summited Mt. Rainier. Uphill both ways in the snow. WITH MONO.
Ben qualified for the Boston Marathon. They will surely award him a key to the city.
Ben negotiated peace in the middle east.
Ben single-handedly found a cure for cancer. On his lunch break.
Ben walks on water.
Ben is better than Jesus.
And Nicole? Oh...right...yes, she's there too. If I'm lucky, I get three lines about how I'm still related to them. Sometimes my information isn't even accurate! One year the letter said I work for the University of Oregon. THE HORROR!
Needless to say, the annual Christmas Letter Disparity has been a hot-button issue for this unsung youngest child. Last year I finally pointed it out to Ben, who found it hilarious and not at all problematic! Punk. He even hassles me about it. "I'm gonna take the trash out - betcha it'll be in the Christmas letter!" Har-dee-har-har.
In March, everybody was gathered at our parent's house, and the wine had been flowing over dinner. Ben passed the salt and his wife muttered under her breath about how that would probably be in the Christmas letter, and that was the end of it. I took the opportunity to call our parent's attention to the epic inequity to which I'd been subjected. I politely pointed out that I would be getting married this year and maybe - just maybe - that would give me equal billing in the Christmas letter. I also reminded them that I was marrying a fellow named JIM. A little accuracy, people.
And then, in December, the dreaded Family Christmas Letter arrived.

Just unfolding the letter put me into fits of laughter. Most of the letter is written in teensy-weensy 8 pt. font. But Nicole's update? 24 pt for the win!
And my paragraph came before Ben's.
And my paragraph was totally 100% accurate.
And I have never loved or savored the Family Christmas Letter more. This sucker will be immortalized in my scrapbook: The Year I Won the Christmas Letter War.
I claim this victory in the name of the underrepresented siblings of the world! We shall overcome!
Love,
NICOLE
P.S. Later I discovered how this miraculous missive came to be. My Mom wrote the letter this year.
P.P.S. I also found out that I was the only one who got the special large-type format. But I'm okay with that. I put it on the internet so it will live on forever.
P.P.P.S. This will surely be my first and last victory in the Christmas Letter War. Ben got a new job this year. And he's running the Boston Marathon. And he's probably on the short list for a Nobel Prize.
Let me give you a little context: when our parents married, Ben was 21 and I was 12, so we didn't "grow up together" the way other siblings do. Ben came home from college in the summers, but we never had the share-a-room-fight-over-the-phone-hair-pulling kind of sibling relationship. We like each other, we like to spend time together. We're cool. In fact, I admire him because he's a really awesome person. No spats. No rivalry. No nonsense.
Here's the problem: Ben's exceedingly proud papa is the author of the family Christmas letter. And it shows. Anyone reading the letter gets all kinds of updates on all the ways Ben is overachieving and/or saving the world this year.
Ben bought the most beautiful historic home.
Ben is restoring that beautiful historic home himself. Impeccably.
Ben is the President of a fancy community organization.
Ben gives trombone recitals to benefit aforementioned organization. No one has ever played more beautifully.
Ben hiked here and there. More miles than anyone's ever hiked before.
Ben summited Mt. Rainier. Uphill both ways in the snow. WITH MONO.
Ben qualified for the Boston Marathon. They will surely award him a key to the city.
Ben negotiated peace in the middle east.
Ben single-handedly found a cure for cancer. On his lunch break.
Ben walks on water.
Ben is better than Jesus.
And Nicole? Oh...right...yes, she's there too. If I'm lucky, I get three lines about how I'm still related to them. Sometimes my information isn't even accurate! One year the letter said I work for the University of Oregon. THE HORROR!
Needless to say, the annual Christmas Letter Disparity has been a hot-button issue for this unsung youngest child. Last year I finally pointed it out to Ben, who found it hilarious and not at all problematic! Punk. He even hassles me about it. "I'm gonna take the trash out - betcha it'll be in the Christmas letter!" Har-dee-har-har.
In March, everybody was gathered at our parent's house, and the wine had been flowing over dinner. Ben passed the salt and his wife muttered under her breath about how that would probably be in the Christmas letter, and that was the end of it. I took the opportunity to call our parent's attention to the epic inequity to which I'd been subjected. I politely pointed out that I would be getting married this year and maybe - just maybe - that would give me equal billing in the Christmas letter. I also reminded them that I was marrying a fellow named JIM. A little accuracy, people.
And then, in December, the dreaded Family Christmas Letter arrived.

Just unfolding the letter put me into fits of laughter. Most of the letter is written in teensy-weensy 8 pt. font. But Nicole's update? 24 pt for the win!
And my paragraph came before Ben's.
And my paragraph was totally 100% accurate.
And I have never loved or savored the Family Christmas Letter more. This sucker will be immortalized in my scrapbook: The Year I Won the Christmas Letter War.
I claim this victory in the name of the underrepresented siblings of the world! We shall overcome!
Love,
NICOLE
P.S. Later I discovered how this miraculous missive came to be. My Mom wrote the letter this year.
P.P.S. I also found out that I was the only one who got the special large-type format. But I'm okay with that. I put it on the internet so it will live on forever.
P.P.P.S. This will surely be my first and last victory in the Christmas Letter War. Ben got a new job this year. And he's running the Boston Marathon. And he's probably on the short list for a Nobel Prize.
Saturday, December 18, 2010
Fluff & Fudge
In September, my friend Megan married a charming man named Chris...
...and promptly moved to Rhode Island! Apparently it's a pretty big transition for a German farm-girl from Oregon to move in with a good Italian guy from Westerly. Megan's stories about life on the east coast have been entertaining and laden with references to lamé and leopard-print.
This week I received a surprise package from Little Italy's newest resident - full of items she considers distinctively Rhode Island.
Tasty Italian biscuits:

Coffee Syrup:
Apparently the coffee situation has been the toughest part of the transition. "Regular" coffee automatically comes with cream and sugar, and a strong black cup can't be found. But this coffee syrup is a hot ticket! Megan says it's used the way we Left Coasters use our chocolate syrup - mixed in milk. So, rather than dashing some milk into your coffee, folks add coffee syrup to their milk...go figure.
And finally, Fluff:
"Fluff & Butter" sandwiches are made by smearing this marshmallow goo and Peanut Butter on your bread. Health food it ain't.
While I loved the novelty of these little treats, Megan couldn't have known how perfectly timed her gift of Fluff would be. Marshmallow creme is an essential ingredient in my Dad's (practically famous) fudge recipe, which I was planning to make this weekend. As I whipped up a batch of fudge today I was awash in the nostalgia that process and those smells bring to me. As this is my first Christmas to make it without my Dad, that Fluff was probably the nicest gift I could have received.
The jury's still out on the Coffee Syrup.
This week I received a surprise package from Little Italy's newest resident - full of items she considers distinctively Rhode Island.
Coffee Syrup:
And finally, Fluff:
While I loved the novelty of these little treats, Megan couldn't have known how perfectly timed her gift of Fluff would be. Marshmallow creme is an essential ingredient in my Dad's (practically famous) fudge recipe, which I was planning to make this weekend. As I whipped up a batch of fudge today I was awash in the nostalgia that process and those smells bring to me. As this is my first Christmas to make it without my Dad, that Fluff was probably the nicest gift I could have received.
The jury's still out on the Coffee Syrup.
Tuesday, June 15, 2010
Holy Whirlwind, Batman
I guess it's official: we fell off the face of the earth. Back-to-back "where are you?" phonecalls from my mother, and some cheeky little comments to the effect of "quit snogging and start blogging" confirm it.
In all honesty, we're not ignoring you! We've been just the teensiest bit busy. Here's the rundown:
Sunday, May 30th:
- Nicole sings two jazz services, skips the last postlude to jump in the car and race to the airport. Flies to Minnesota FOR THE LAST TIME.
- Nicole & Jim stage the classic greeting-your-long-lost-love-at-the-airport scene (which we gave perfected) FOR THE LAST TIME.
- One last adult beverage with our dear friends Bekah & Matthew
- Jimbo's apartment is consolidated into a 5x8 cube painstakingly arranged to fit perfectly in the 5x8 U-Haul trailer
- We arrive home at 11pm and give the apartment one last cleaning
Monday, May 31st:
- Up early to queue at U-Haul with the rest of the college students in the Twin Cities.
- Friends arrive to help with the loading
- Collective cursing of the three flights of stairs to Jim's apartment
- Sad goodbyes with our Minnesota friends
- by 10:45am we are loaded and road-ready. Nicole's total time in St. Paul was 12 hours and 15 minutes.
- Drive 11 hours. Comment extensively on the blandness that is North Dakota.
- Stop for the night in Miles City, Montana. Had a nightcap at the Gold Dust Saloon & Casino. Classy joint.
Tuesday, June 1st:
- Drive 8 hours across Montana. Let the record reflect that Nicole drove (and even successfully parked!) the truck and trailer. Pop would be way proud.
- Saw two funnel clouds
- Played "Bury the Cows" with moderate success.
- Dinner with Mom & Fred. Ahhh...real food.
Wednesday, June 2nd:
- Drove out to Florence to visit Sandy & Dean (Nicole's Aunt & Uncle) and picked up Miss Sugar for a playdate.
- Visited Sugar's home-away-from-home, Tails & Trails
- Taught Sugar to fetch...with moderate success.
- Visited Shirley & Vic (Nicole's "grandparents")
- Drove 3 hours to Ben & Treena's in Spokane
- Proceeded directly to Benedito's for pizza and beer. Did not pass go. Did not collect $200.
- Enjoyed the evening with the fam and the brown dogs.
Thursday, June 3rd:
- Up and on the road. Drove 7 hours to Portland.
- Stopped for hugs from Jim's parents
- Drive another hour to Salem
- Dinner with the Adams' and admiration of Ella's new "walking" skills
- Choir rehearsal (with cheers and applause at Jim's arrival!)
- Drive one last hour to Corvallis.
- Collapse
Friday, June 4th:
- Up early to unload the UHaul
- Created a giant mess in the spare room
- I abandoned Jim with his pile to go back to work
Saturday, June 5th:
- Up early to drive to Salem
- Quick coffee date with Jim's best friend Ryan and his boys
- Meeting with the wedding coordinator at Willamette
- Errands at Target
- Three and a half hour jazz rehearsal
- Welcome home party for Jim at the Best Little Roadhouse
Sunday, June 6th:
- Up early to drive to Salem
- One big fancy church service in honor of the Bishop's visit
- Picking out a dog bed at Costco
- Back to church for an Evensong service and our quartet's jazz concert
- Dinner with Jim's family at Rudy's
Monday, June 7th:
- Nicole goes to work and Jim commences the settling in
- Grocery store
- Errands
- Jim heads to Portland for a little family time
Tuesday, June 8th:
- Jim goes to the allergist to confirm what we already knew: he's allergic to everything. And especially grass seed. Did you know that Corvallis is smack in the middle of the Grass Seed Capitol of the World? Jim started the heavy-duty allergy injection therapy.
- Baskin Robbins for Dante's 31st Birthday
- Explaining the "31 Flavors" thing to Dante
- More unpacking...
- Wedding invitation assembly
Wednesday, June 9th:
- More work
- Meeting with the facilities coordinator and caterer for the wedding
- Pre-marital counseling session
- Dinner with Dante & Jenn
Thursday, June 10th:
- Lunch with Kate in honor of her last day as our Graduate Assistant
- Reception at WOU honoring our friend Karen's big fancy national award!
- End-of-the-year choir party (and hand-delivering the first batch of wedding invitations)
Friday, June 11th:
- College of Pharmacy graduation ceremony! My Favorite Student of All Time gets her Pharm.D.
- Jim and I interview graduates for a video I'm hoping to create for our orientation program
- Dr. Amanda comes over for dinner and is officially adopted into our family.
- We decide to put Amanda's car on Craigslist (Jim offered to help her sell it).
- Bocce Ball
- Responding to the nine quick inquiries on the car
- Rushing to the car wash to clean and vacuum the car in the near-dusk
Saturday, June 12th:
- Waffles with our new waffle iron!
- Jim and Amanda take the car for an alignment and run other errands
- We pile in the truck and drive to Albany to look at scooters
- Jim and I purchase our wedding/graduation/long-distance survival gifts to each other
-I picked out a sweet helmet, too. The front slides up and down depending on how I want to rock the Storm Trooper look.
- Load the scooters into the truck and drive to Salem
- Unload the scooters at Lucas' garage for a little temporary storage
- Drive to IKEA to meet the first potential car-buyer
- Buyer test-drives, haggles excessively (thank GOODNESS Jimbo was handling that one...) and eventually agrees to buy Amanda's car for the full asking price! Much celebrating!
- Long decision-laden tour of IKEA (with Dr. Amanda in tow) as we pick out a new mattress, and a huge shelving unit for the living room
- Pause for some swedish meatballs
- Load the truck and head to Lake Oswego
- Pick up dinner for Jim's family
- Say goodbye to Dr. Amanda. We won't see her again before she moves to South Carolina =(
- Quick visit with family friends
Sunday, June 13th:
- Coffee at Beth & Adam's
- Back to IKEA for the cabinet we decided we need after all
- Runs to Home Goods, Target, and Bed, Bath & Beyond for all those little things necessary for consolidating our households in some kind of organized manner.
- Setting up our new mattress and wrangling the allergy barrier around it
- Moving the old bed to storage
- Jim assembles the huge shelving unit, the new cabinet, and another storage cabinet for the bathroom.
- Remove and rehang the existing medicine cabinet to accommodate the additional storage
- 6 loads of laundry
- removing old shelves from the living room and rearranging their contents
- Consolidating and organizing two bathrooms worth of stuff into one
- Collapsing on the new mattress
Monday, June 14th:
- Jim begins his battle with the blackberries taking over the backyard
- Selling the futon and loading it up for the new owner
- Finishing and mailing ALL the wedding invitations! Crossing our fingers that they arrive safely.
- More unpacking, cleaning, and organizing
- Editing the wedding website and developing a scenario to manage RSVPs
- Falling into bed at 9pm
Tuesday, June 15th:
- Driving to Portland for Nicole to attend a faculty meeting while Jim starts work on a new patio at his sister's house
- Picking up our "new" couch (new to us anyway!)
- An hour at the fabric store on wedding-related errands
- Drive home in an Oregon downpour
- More Battle of the Blackberries and weed-pulling
- Packing for the trips that we each leave on tomorrow
- Blogging.
PHEW! If you aren't up to date now, you require too much information! Thanks for bearing with us (and our neglected blog). We're looking forward to the moment when the dust settles. =)
In all honesty, we're not ignoring you! We've been just the teensiest bit busy. Here's the rundown:
Sunday, May 30th:
- Nicole sings two jazz services, skips the last postlude to jump in the car and race to the airport. Flies to Minnesota FOR THE LAST TIME.
- Nicole & Jim stage the classic greeting-your-long-lost-love-at-the-airport scene (which we gave perfected) FOR THE LAST TIME.
- One last adult beverage with our dear friends Bekah & Matthew
- Jimbo's apartment is consolidated into a 5x8 cube painstakingly arranged to fit perfectly in the 5x8 U-Haul trailer
Monday, May 31st:
- Up early to queue at U-Haul with the rest of the college students in the Twin Cities.
- Friends arrive to help with the loading
- Collective cursing of the three flights of stairs to Jim's apartment
- Sad goodbyes with our Minnesota friends
- by 10:45am we are loaded and road-ready. Nicole's total time in St. Paul was 12 hours and 15 minutes.
- Drive 11 hours. Comment extensively on the blandness that is North Dakota.- Stop for the night in Miles City, Montana. Had a nightcap at the Gold Dust Saloon & Casino. Classy joint.
Tuesday, June 1st:
- Drive 8 hours across Montana. Let the record reflect that Nicole drove (and even successfully parked!) the truck and trailer. Pop would be way proud.
- Played "Bury the Cows" with moderate success.
- Dinner with Mom & Fred. Ahhh...real food.
Wednesday, June 2nd:
- Drove out to Florence to visit Sandy & Dean (Nicole's Aunt & Uncle) and picked up Miss Sugar for a playdate.
- Visited Sugar's home-away-from-home, Tails & Trails
- Taught Sugar to fetch...with moderate success.
- Visited Shirley & Vic (Nicole's "grandparents")
- Drove 3 hours to Ben & Treena's in Spokane
- Proceeded directly to Benedito's for pizza and beer. Did not pass go. Did not collect $200.
- Enjoyed the evening with the fam and the brown dogs.
Thursday, June 3rd:
- Up and on the road. Drove 7 hours to Portland.
- Drive another hour to Salem
- Dinner with the Adams' and admiration of Ella's new "walking" skills
- Choir rehearsal (with cheers and applause at Jim's arrival!)
- Drive one last hour to Corvallis.
- Collapse
Friday, June 4th:
- Up early to unload the UHaul
- Created a giant mess in the spare room
Saturday, June 5th:
- Up early to drive to Salem
- Quick coffee date with Jim's best friend Ryan and his boys
- Meeting with the wedding coordinator at Willamette
- Errands at Target
- Three and a half hour jazz rehearsal
- Welcome home party for Jim at the Best Little Roadhouse
Sunday, June 6th:
- Up early to drive to Salem
- One big fancy church service in honor of the Bishop's visit
- Picking out a dog bed at Costco
- Back to church for an Evensong service and our quartet's jazz concert
- Dinner with Jim's family at Rudy's
Monday, June 7th:
- Nicole goes to work and Jim commences the settling in
- Grocery store
- Errands
- Jim heads to Portland for a little family time
Tuesday, June 8th:
- Jim goes to the allergist to confirm what we already knew: he's allergic to everything. And especially grass seed. Did you know that Corvallis is smack in the middle of the Grass Seed Capitol of the World? Jim started the heavy-duty allergy injection therapy.
- Baskin Robbins for Dante's 31st Birthday
- More unpacking...
- Wedding invitation assembly
Wednesday, June 9th:
- More work
- Meeting with the facilities coordinator and caterer for the wedding
- Pre-marital counseling session
- Dinner with Dante & Jenn
Thursday, June 10th:
- Lunch with Kate in honor of her last day as our Graduate Assistant
- Reception at WOU honoring our friend Karen's big fancy national award!
- End-of-the-year choir party (and hand-delivering the first batch of wedding invitations)
Friday, June 11th:
- College of Pharmacy graduation ceremony! My Favorite Student of All Time gets her Pharm.D.
- Dr. Amanda comes over for dinner and is officially adopted into our family.
- We decide to put Amanda's car on Craigslist (Jim offered to help her sell it).
- Bocce Ball
- Responding to the nine quick inquiries on the car
- Rushing to the car wash to clean and vacuum the car in the near-dusk
Saturday, June 12th:
- Waffles with our new waffle iron!
- Jim and Amanda take the car for an alignment and run other errands
- We pile in the truck and drive to Albany to look at scooters
- Jim and I purchase our wedding/graduation/long-distance survival gifts to each other
- Unload the scooters at Lucas' garage for a little temporary storage
- Drive to IKEA to meet the first potential car-buyer
- Buyer test-drives, haggles excessively (thank GOODNESS Jimbo was handling that one...) and eventually agrees to buy Amanda's car for the full asking price! Much celebrating!
- Long decision-laden tour of IKEA (with Dr. Amanda in tow) as we pick out a new mattress, and a huge shelving unit for the living room
- Pause for some swedish meatballs
- Load the truck and head to Lake Oswego
- Pick up dinner for Jim's family
- Say goodbye to Dr. Amanda. We won't see her again before she moves to South Carolina =(
- Quick visit with family friends
Sunday, June 13th:
- Coffee at Beth & Adam's
- Back to IKEA for the cabinet we decided we need after all
- Runs to Home Goods, Target, and Bed, Bath & Beyond for all those little things necessary for consolidating our households in some kind of organized manner.
- Setting up our new mattress and wrangling the allergy barrier around it
- Moving the old bed to storage
- Jim assembles the huge shelving unit, the new cabinet, and another storage cabinet for the bathroom.
- Remove and rehang the existing medicine cabinet to accommodate the additional storage
- 6 loads of laundry
- removing old shelves from the living room and rearranging their contents
- Consolidating and organizing two bathrooms worth of stuff into one
- Collapsing on the new mattress
Monday, June 14th:
- Jim begins his battle with the blackberries taking over the backyard
- Selling the futon and loading it up for the new owner
- Finishing and mailing ALL the wedding invitations! Crossing our fingers that they arrive safely.
- More unpacking, cleaning, and organizing
- Editing the wedding website and developing a scenario to manage RSVPs
- Falling into bed at 9pm
Tuesday, June 15th:
- Driving to Portland for Nicole to attend a faculty meeting while Jim starts work on a new patio at his sister's house
- Picking up our "new" couch (new to us anyway!)
- An hour at the fabric store on wedding-related errands
- Drive home in an Oregon downpour
- More Battle of the Blackberries and weed-pulling
- Packing for the trips that we each leave on tomorrow
- Blogging.
PHEW! If you aren't up to date now, you require too much information! Thanks for bearing with us (and our neglected blog). We're looking forward to the moment when the dust settles. =)
Sunday, May 2, 2010
April Shower
Last Saturday was one for the books - my best gals threw me the bridal shower to end all showers! We started the day with lunch at the Wild Pear - NUM!
Then we got right down to business:
One of the advantages of being the last of your girlfriends to marry is that everyone has special keepsakes to share with you. Just such a keepsake is discernible in the photo. That pink beer coozy (coozying a cocktail rather than a brewski) reads "Because I'm the Bride, That's Why." It has a black coozy partner which reads, "What Would I know? I'm just the Groom." We will treasure them forever! Or at least until August. Then we might share the love with some other couple.
A few snaps from the festivities:




This is my bestie, Brenda Lee. It's too bad we don't have more fun together.

Can you make out the detail of this beautiful fabric banner? A certain crafty gal used our engagement photos to decorate it!

And these are my best gals. Could I have five prettier friends? No. It is not possible. Shall I really make you jealous? Not only are they picture perfect, they are each wicked smart, talented, funny, loving, and a darn good time!
And they share my love of pretty shoes. And umbrella drinks. And that's what really matters.
On to the May Flowers!
A few snaps from the festivities:


This is my bestie, Brenda Lee. It's too bad we don't have more fun together.
Can you make out the detail of this beautiful fabric banner? A certain crafty gal used our engagement photos to decorate it!
And they share my love of pretty shoes. And umbrella drinks. And that's what really matters.
On to the May Flowers!
Tuesday, April 13, 2010
The Idiot's Guide to Losing a Parent
Disclaimer: This is serious. And descriptive. And a little sad. And kind of irreverent, too. But it's really important so I hope you'll read on. I just don't want to choke anybody up at the office.
I really appreciate all the kind and supportive comments about my dad's passing - even from some people we don't know! In the last two years I have learned a whole lot of things that I never thought I'd need to know, and I honestly wish somebody would have told me this stuff. This is important life and death stuff that my fussy little liberal arts college definitely didn't teach me. Where is The Idiot's Guide to Losing a Parent? I would be underlining and writing in the margins if I had such a book. I was ranting about that yesterday, and somebody suggested that I go ahead and write it. Not such a bad idea, actually, except that I kind of have a few things going on right now... and I'm not an author. So, in lieu of my first literary masterpiece, I give you my current soapbox: three things everyone should do NOW to alleviate a lot of major stress later.
Thing Number One: Somebody Needs Power of Attorney
For those of you who like to keep score, Dad did this one right. When he was diagnosed two years ago he immediately got the paperwork in order to give me Power of Attorney. That meant that I was able to act in his stead for nearly any purpose. I could call his doctors and discuss his condition and treatment. I could go to the bank and transact business on his account. In situations where you're normally told "we can't tell you that" I was told what I needed to know about my Dad, and I had the ability to do what needed to be done on his behalf.
You should talk to your parents about who has their Power of Attorney. Sure it might be awkward if you have siblings who squabble over that sort of thing, but I assure you that it is well worth the difficult discussion it may precipitate. Once somebody has been assigned Power of Attorney, that person needs a certified copy of the document. There were quite a few times where a wave of that paper got me the information I needed.
Thing Number Two: We All Need An Advance Directive
(AKA "Health Care Directive" or "Living Will")
An Advance Directive (I'm calling it AD from here on out cause I'm lazy) is official documentation of your end-of-life wishes. It indicates whether you want to be kept on life support, what kind of pain management you want, and how your dignity can be honored at the end of your life. This was another process we completed at the time of Dad's cancer diagnosis. I sat with him while he filled it out and we discussed it. He made sure that I understood his wishes and asked me to promise that they would be carried out. It was a hard talk. It freaked me out. It was also the single greatest gift he could have given me at the end of his life.
We put Dad's AD on file in the "Choices Bank" at his hospital. They gave him a wallet-card with a unique number which could be used by any health-care provider to access his document - even at another hospital or elsewhere in the country. Ironically, when Dad was brought to the emergency room in that very hospital in February - unconscious and near death - they didn't know he had an AD. I had to tell them! Imagine what would have happened if I hadn't known?! This is why you need to have the conversation now.
Dad's wishes were pretty clear: no machines, no life support, no vegetative state, and plenty of morphine thank you very much. When I arrived at the hospital nearly 24 hours after he'd been admitted, he was hooked up to everything imaginable and he was pissed. He couldn't talk (because of the breathing tube that shouldn't have been in his throat) and he was not lucid at every moment, but it was obvious. The look in his eyes when he met my gaze clearly told me "you and I had a deal and this was not it." The doctor visited me and offered me two options: 1) allow them to perform a risky brain surgery with only moderate hope of any improvement, or 2) allow him to continue in his current state. I had to decide whether Dad should live or die. That is a horrible rotten no-good awful thing to ask a person to decide. I cannot imagine how I could have handled that situation if I hadn't known exactly what Dad wanted. What if I hadn't had Power of Attorney? I wonder how much they could have told me, and how carefully they would have honored my requests. What if there was no AD? How would I have known what to do? And how would I have lived with the decision for the rest of my life? Now you see why that conversation we'd had two years prior - and the official documentation to back it up - was so precious and important. I told them to take away all the machines and give him some peace. The look in his eyes as he slipped away was one of total relief. And I know that I did the right thing.
We all need AD's and we need to discuss them with our loved ones. You can find the form for your state here.
Thing Number Three: Have a Will
Sadly, this is where Dad did not do such a great job and we learned this one the extra-hard way. The first questions we had to answer after Dad passed were "did he have a will?" and "do you know where it is?" Oh massive planning fail. I had NO idea whether Dad had a will. But if there was one, we had to find it because nothing could happen until we answered those two questions.
I was lucky that Dad had down-sized to a fifth-wheel. At least we had one small area (with a zillion nooks and crannies we soon discovered) to be searched. We turned the place upside down. We looked EVERYWHERE. We went so far as to shake out books hoping important documents would fall from the pages. We looked under the seat of his pickup truck. Jim searched every document on his computer and every sent email for any reference to a will. When we couldn't find it we felt like we'd done our best and threw in the towel. It was at that point that someone told us that it might be in a safe-deposit box at a bank, or maybe a copy would be on file with the attorney who originally drew it up. Those were good helpful suggestions, but they made me cry. Call every attorney in town? What about the ones who were retired or had moved away? And a safe-deposit box? At what bank? And with what non-existent key should we open it? That just wasn't going to happen. We had to proceed without a will. And that's when I learned a new dirty word: probate.
I'm sure the attorneys in the crowd (hi friends!) will be correcting me all over the place, but that's why this is the Idiot's Guide, and not the Smartypants Attorney's Guide. (Aside: it has been super handy to have a Smartypants Attorney. If I was going to go so far as adding a Thing Number Four, that might be it).
So...probate. LAME. Probate is a big ole complicated process whereby I have to prove that I am the sole heir, and then get a court order to back me up. On more than one occasion I was reminded that this is the time when my heretofore unknown half-siblings just might come out of the woodwork. Wha? Once we established the "lack of heretofore unknown kin" the state of Montana (where the buffalo roam...) gave me a new title: "Personal Representative of the Estate of Dad." And like any good promotion, that title came with a heap of responsibility and no additional pay. Rather than reading the will and divvying up the fishing gear to the appointed recipients, I became responsible for every blessed thing Dad owned. It's not stuff, it's "assets." And since when is a travel trailer full offishing gear "assets" an estate? Only in Montana.
I suppose I should get back on task. Being in probate means that we had to account for all of Dad's assets (right down to the silverware we donated to Goodwill and the dirty socks we threw out). Then we have to sell off all the assets, put the money back into the estate, and use it to pay off all of his bills. We have to do his taxes! Taxes for someone who is no longer with us? Wait - I can actually believe that. We have to account for the postage it takes to forward his mail to the SmartyPants Attorney. I now have an estate bank account, an estate Tax ID number, and a heap of headaches that could have been avoided if we'd had a will. PS - if anyone's interested in purchasing the actual 29-foot estate-on-wheels I have that too. The real kicker? Probate has to last at least six months. Apparently they commonly last two years. Two years of this bologna? Lawsie mercy.
So, the point of Thing Number Three is that we should all get wills drawn up. Jim and I will do ours when we get married. We aren't exactly dripping in assets but having even a simple will frees our loved ones from the big bad probate. Hear me now: nobody that I love will have to catalog my dirty socks.
Before I step off my soapbox, I want to emphasize that timing is really important. Things One through Three should be done now, while everyone is healthy and of sound mind. We tried to talk Dad into visiting the doctor about eight weeks before he died and he stubbornly refused because he wasn't thinking well. I was so thankful that I wasn't trying to get him to sign Power of Attorney or complete an Advance Directive in that state of mind. It would have been a nightmare and it probably wouldn't have gotten done.
And there it is: The Idiot's Guide to Losing a Parent. AKA: my usual irreverent blather, but on an important topic for once!
PS - Hey Mom, can we talk about Things One through Three sometime? And, if you already have a will, please give the fishing gear to Ben. I'm good.
I really appreciate all the kind and supportive comments about my dad's passing - even from some people we don't know! In the last two years I have learned a whole lot of things that I never thought I'd need to know, and I honestly wish somebody would have told me this stuff. This is important life and death stuff that my fussy little liberal arts college definitely didn't teach me. Where is The Idiot's Guide to Losing a Parent? I would be underlining and writing in the margins if I had such a book. I was ranting about that yesterday, and somebody suggested that I go ahead and write it. Not such a bad idea, actually, except that I kind of have a few things going on right now... and I'm not an author. So, in lieu of my first literary masterpiece, I give you my current soapbox: three things everyone should do NOW to alleviate a lot of major stress later.
Thing Number One: Somebody Needs Power of Attorney
For those of you who like to keep score, Dad did this one right. When he was diagnosed two years ago he immediately got the paperwork in order to give me Power of Attorney. That meant that I was able to act in his stead for nearly any purpose. I could call his doctors and discuss his condition and treatment. I could go to the bank and transact business on his account. In situations where you're normally told "we can't tell you that" I was told what I needed to know about my Dad, and I had the ability to do what needed to be done on his behalf.
You should talk to your parents about who has their Power of Attorney. Sure it might be awkward if you have siblings who squabble over that sort of thing, but I assure you that it is well worth the difficult discussion it may precipitate. Once somebody has been assigned Power of Attorney, that person needs a certified copy of the document. There were quite a few times where a wave of that paper got me the information I needed.
Thing Number Two: We All Need An Advance Directive
(AKA "Health Care Directive" or "Living Will")
An Advance Directive (I'm calling it AD from here on out cause I'm lazy) is official documentation of your end-of-life wishes. It indicates whether you want to be kept on life support, what kind of pain management you want, and how your dignity can be honored at the end of your life. This was another process we completed at the time of Dad's cancer diagnosis. I sat with him while he filled it out and we discussed it. He made sure that I understood his wishes and asked me to promise that they would be carried out. It was a hard talk. It freaked me out. It was also the single greatest gift he could have given me at the end of his life.
We put Dad's AD on file in the "Choices Bank" at his hospital. They gave him a wallet-card with a unique number which could be used by any health-care provider to access his document - even at another hospital or elsewhere in the country. Ironically, when Dad was brought to the emergency room in that very hospital in February - unconscious and near death - they didn't know he had an AD. I had to tell them! Imagine what would have happened if I hadn't known?! This is why you need to have the conversation now.
Dad's wishes were pretty clear: no machines, no life support, no vegetative state, and plenty of morphine thank you very much. When I arrived at the hospital nearly 24 hours after he'd been admitted, he was hooked up to everything imaginable and he was pissed. He couldn't talk (because of the breathing tube that shouldn't have been in his throat) and he was not lucid at every moment, but it was obvious. The look in his eyes when he met my gaze clearly told me "you and I had a deal and this was not it." The doctor visited me and offered me two options: 1) allow them to perform a risky brain surgery with only moderate hope of any improvement, or 2) allow him to continue in his current state. I had to decide whether Dad should live or die. That is a horrible rotten no-good awful thing to ask a person to decide. I cannot imagine how I could have handled that situation if I hadn't known exactly what Dad wanted. What if I hadn't had Power of Attorney? I wonder how much they could have told me, and how carefully they would have honored my requests. What if there was no AD? How would I have known what to do? And how would I have lived with the decision for the rest of my life? Now you see why that conversation we'd had two years prior - and the official documentation to back it up - was so precious and important. I told them to take away all the machines and give him some peace. The look in his eyes as he slipped away was one of total relief. And I know that I did the right thing.
We all need AD's and we need to discuss them with our loved ones. You can find the form for your state here.
Thing Number Three: Have a Will
Sadly, this is where Dad did not do such a great job and we learned this one the extra-hard way. The first questions we had to answer after Dad passed were "did he have a will?" and "do you know where it is?" Oh massive planning fail. I had NO idea whether Dad had a will. But if there was one, we had to find it because nothing could happen until we answered those two questions.
I was lucky that Dad had down-sized to a fifth-wheel. At least we had one small area (with a zillion nooks and crannies we soon discovered) to be searched. We turned the place upside down. We looked EVERYWHERE. We went so far as to shake out books hoping important documents would fall from the pages. We looked under the seat of his pickup truck. Jim searched every document on his computer and every sent email for any reference to a will. When we couldn't find it we felt like we'd done our best and threw in the towel. It was at that point that someone told us that it might be in a safe-deposit box at a bank, or maybe a copy would be on file with the attorney who originally drew it up. Those were good helpful suggestions, but they made me cry. Call every attorney in town? What about the ones who were retired or had moved away? And a safe-deposit box? At what bank? And with what non-existent key should we open it? That just wasn't going to happen. We had to proceed without a will. And that's when I learned a new dirty word: probate.
I'm sure the attorneys in the crowd (hi friends!) will be correcting me all over the place, but that's why this is the Idiot's Guide, and not the Smartypants Attorney's Guide. (Aside: it has been super handy to have a Smartypants Attorney. If I was going to go so far as adding a Thing Number Four, that might be it).
So...probate. LAME. Probate is a big ole complicated process whereby I have to prove that I am the sole heir, and then get a court order to back me up. On more than one occasion I was reminded that this is the time when my heretofore unknown half-siblings just might come out of the woodwork. Wha? Once we established the "lack of heretofore unknown kin" the state of Montana (where the buffalo roam...) gave me a new title: "Personal Representative of the Estate of Dad." And like any good promotion, that title came with a heap of responsibility and no additional pay. Rather than reading the will and divvying up the fishing gear to the appointed recipients, I became responsible for every blessed thing Dad owned. It's not stuff, it's "assets." And since when is a travel trailer full of
I suppose I should get back on task. Being in probate means that we had to account for all of Dad's assets (right down to the silverware we donated to Goodwill and the dirty socks we threw out). Then we have to sell off all the assets, put the money back into the estate, and use it to pay off all of his bills. We have to do his taxes! Taxes for someone who is no longer with us? Wait - I can actually believe that. We have to account for the postage it takes to forward his mail to the SmartyPants Attorney. I now have an estate bank account, an estate Tax ID number, and a heap of headaches that could have been avoided if we'd had a will. PS - if anyone's interested in purchasing the actual 29-foot estate-on-wheels I have that too. The real kicker? Probate has to last at least six months. Apparently they commonly last two years. Two years of this bologna? Lawsie mercy.
So, the point of Thing Number Three is that we should all get wills drawn up. Jim and I will do ours when we get married. We aren't exactly dripping in assets but having even a simple will frees our loved ones from the big bad probate. Hear me now: nobody that I love will have to catalog my dirty socks.
Before I step off my soapbox, I want to emphasize that timing is really important. Things One through Three should be done now, while everyone is healthy and of sound mind. We tried to talk Dad into visiting the doctor about eight weeks before he died and he stubbornly refused because he wasn't thinking well. I was so thankful that I wasn't trying to get him to sign Power of Attorney or complete an Advance Directive in that state of mind. It would have been a nightmare and it probably wouldn't have gotten done.
And there it is: The Idiot's Guide to Losing a Parent. AKA: my usual irreverent blather, but on an important topic for once!
PS - Hey Mom, can we talk about Things One through Three sometime? And, if you already have a will, please give the fishing gear to Ben. I'm good.
Monday, March 29, 2010
You Know You're A Redneck If...
...folks bring their shotguns for the family photo.
L-R: My "aunt & uncle" Sandy & Dean, Pop, Jim, and me.
We had this taken on our family trip to Virginia City this summer. I've always wanted to do one of these silly photos, and it was pretty easy to talk the rest of the crew into it. My Dad and Dean wanted to be Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid, and I think they really looked the parts!
Options for the ladies included some high-collar school marm stuff and a sea of petticoats. I wasn't quite sure which direction to go, but Sandy turned to me and said, "let's be tarts!" and that was that. She sure is a good influence.
And, of course, Jimbo had to be the pious one. But that's only after Pop wrestled the shotgun out of his hands. Leading up to the click of the shutter, Jim was determined to be clutching both the bible and the shotgun. Not sure what to make of that but I'll let the seminary administration sort him out.
L-R: My "aunt & uncle" Sandy & Dean, Pop, Jim, and me. We had this taken on our family trip to Virginia City this summer. I've always wanted to do one of these silly photos, and it was pretty easy to talk the rest of the crew into it. My Dad and Dean wanted to be Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid, and I think they really looked the parts!
Options for the ladies included some high-collar school marm stuff and a sea of petticoats. I wasn't quite sure which direction to go, but Sandy turned to me and said, "let's be tarts!" and that was that. She sure is a good influence.
And, of course, Jimbo had to be the pious one. But that's only after Pop wrestled the shotgun out of his hands. Leading up to the click of the shutter, Jim was determined to be clutching both the bible and the shotgun. Not sure what to make of that but I'll let the seminary administration sort him out.
Tuesday, March 23, 2010
Goodbye Earl
You've probably noticed the "silence" around this blog lately. We're mourning a loss and it's been easier to be quiet than to talk about what happened. One month ago today (February 23rd, 2010) my dad passed away. What I find therapeutic today is to tell his story - complete with the irreverent humor and the shoot-from-the-hip honesty that characterized my Pop. I don't know whether our readers will find this of interest (or think I'm crass and tacky), but I'm really just doing it for me.
Pop was 61 years old - too young for dying - and lost his life to melanoma (that's skin cancer to the non-oncologist crowd). Melanoma is one of the nastiest cancers. There is no cure. Chemo doesn't touch it. Radiation wouldn't matter. There are a handful of experimental biochemo treatments available, but the success rate is about 5% and it is horrible to endure. When confronted with those options, my Dad opted for no treatment at all. Our goal was quality of life, and making the most of the time he had left. Considering that he had been given 6-12 months to live in March, 2008, it's pretty remarkable that we got nearly two years with him after the cancer metastacized. Pop would certainly have attributed that success to a commitment to doing whatever he darn well pleased, and a his favorite pain-killer, Jack Daniels.
The day after he was diagnosed, Dad quit his job and "retired." Shortly thereafter he bought himself a brand new truck and a fifth-wheel trailer. The very first accessory purchased for the trailer was a customized vinyl decal:
And that pretty much sums up the attitude Pop adopted toward the melanoma. He didn't waste any time compiling his Bucket List and checking things off. Drive to Alaska? Check. Catch a 30-pound halibut, fly to the Arctic Circle, ride a dog sled, ferry down the Inside Passage? Check. Jim and I joined Pop for a week of his Alaskan adventure, and helped him celebrate his 60th birthday.
After a summer in Alaska, Pop's next trip took him south. Zion National Park? Check. Alien-watching in Roswell? Check. (And I got the care package to prove it). Decorating a cactus for Christmas with the snowbirds in Arizona? Dipping a toe in the Rio Grande? Fishing any lake they didn't kick him out of? Touring air-craft carriers in the Gulf of Mexico? Check. And finally, the big destination: Mardi Gras! CHECK.
We got a box of trinkets when he checked that one off the list, too. But I think I'll save that for another time. Pop's gift-giving is...well..."renowned" to say the least, and is certainly deserving of its own post.
And still the Bucket List went on. Jack Daniels Distillery (hallowed ground)? Check. Pop even called me that day to tell me he could die a happy man because now he'd seen heaven. Double check. Non-geographical items made the list, too. Sleeping late and fishing all day? Check. Eating all the chocolate you want without worrying about the consequences? Check with hot fudge on top. Saying exactly what you think? Che...oh, wait...he'd had been doing that all his life anyway.
And then there was the matter of a girlfriend. Someone who would always attract attention for her good looks...someone who would be a loyal traveling companion, and who wouldn't nag. Check. Meet Sugar:
Yes, it is completely ridiculous for a man who has already exceeded his life expectancy to adopt a puppy. But the thing about exceeding your life expectancy is that you learn to do what makes you feel good, not what makes sense. Pop loved labs. LOVED labs. We had a sweet chocolate named Maya when I was a kid. After she was hit by a car Dad would joke that he'd trade me to the gypsies if he could just have another dog like that. So, when he started talking about wanting a puppy, I knew it would make him happier than anything else. We told Dad that we would be willing to take care of the dog if and when we were needed. He was on his way to pick up his puppy the next day. (And I'm happy to report that I have not - to my knowledge - been traded to the gypsies. Phew.)
In the end, no amount of puppy love would change the fact that Pop's days were numbered. The last six months were long and hard for him, and for us. Though we didn't know it, the melanoma had metasticized to Pop's brain. When faced with the option of a risky brain surgery that may or may not have helped matters, I went back to what I knew about my Dad. He had no interest in lying in a hospital bed, and he definitely didn't want to spend a minute doing anything that wasn't worth his precious time. So we let him go. We gave him the gift of peace, and relief, and eternal rest.
And so my Pop is "on the road again" leaving me with no doubt in my mind about his love for me, and with gratitude for the blessing of a devoted dad. May light perpetual shine upon him.
And may the fish keep biting.
-->
Pop was 61 years old - too young for dying - and lost his life to melanoma (that's skin cancer to the non-oncologist crowd). Melanoma is one of the nastiest cancers. There is no cure. Chemo doesn't touch it. Radiation wouldn't matter. There are a handful of experimental biochemo treatments available, but the success rate is about 5% and it is horrible to endure. When confronted with those options, my Dad opted for no treatment at all. Our goal was quality of life, and making the most of the time he had left. Considering that he had been given 6-12 months to live in March, 2008, it's pretty remarkable that we got nearly two years with him after the cancer metastacized. Pop would certainly have attributed that success to a commitment to doing whatever he darn well pleased, and a his favorite pain-killer, Jack Daniels.
The day after he was diagnosed, Dad quit his job and "retired." Shortly thereafter he bought himself a brand new truck and a fifth-wheel trailer. The very first accessory purchased for the trailer was a customized vinyl decal:
We got a box of trinkets when he checked that one off the list, too. But I think I'll save that for another time. Pop's gift-giving is...well..."renowned" to say the least, and is certainly deserving of its own post.
And still the Bucket List went on. Jack Daniels Distillery (hallowed ground)? Check. Pop even called me that day to tell me he could die a happy man because now he'd seen heaven. Double check. Non-geographical items made the list, too. Sleeping late and fishing all day? Check. Eating all the chocolate you want without worrying about the consequences? Check with hot fudge on top. Saying exactly what you think? Che...oh, wait...he'd had been doing that all his life anyway.
And then there was the matter of a girlfriend. Someone who would always attract attention for her good looks...someone who would be a loyal traveling companion, and who wouldn't nag. Check. Meet Sugar:
Yes, it is completely ridiculous for a man who has already exceeded his life expectancy to adopt a puppy. But the thing about exceeding your life expectancy is that you learn to do what makes you feel good, not what makes sense. Pop loved labs. LOVED labs. We had a sweet chocolate named Maya when I was a kid. After she was hit by a car Dad would joke that he'd trade me to the gypsies if he could just have another dog like that. So, when he started talking about wanting a puppy, I knew it would make him happier than anything else. We told Dad that we would be willing to take care of the dog if and when we were needed. He was on his way to pick up his puppy the next day. (And I'm happy to report that I have not - to my knowledge - been traded to the gypsies. Phew.)
In the end, no amount of puppy love would change the fact that Pop's days were numbered. The last six months were long and hard for him, and for us. Though we didn't know it, the melanoma had metasticized to Pop's brain. When faced with the option of a risky brain surgery that may or may not have helped matters, I went back to what I knew about my Dad. He had no interest in lying in a hospital bed, and he definitely didn't want to spend a minute doing anything that wasn't worth his precious time. So we let him go. We gave him the gift of peace, and relief, and eternal rest.
And so my Pop is "on the road again" leaving me with no doubt in my mind about his love for me, and with gratitude for the blessing of a devoted dad. May light perpetual shine upon him.
-->
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)