Things I Cannot Do

Beth and I have a lot of schtick. One of our best not-too-slapsticky bits:

N: "Know your role."
B: "Play to your strengths."

This exchange usually follows decisions about who's going to do what (or who should have the good sense to step aside to let the experts whip up the cocktails). Years into "knowing my role" and "playing to my strengths" I think I can also clearly sum up all the things I should never be called upon to do.

* sit through an episode of "Scrubs"

* foxtrot

* apply false lashes

* touch a picture of a snake

* tolerate a messy office

* roll my tongue

* drink Dr. Pepper

* remember a damn thing

* win a video game

* throw a ball without bringing shame on myself and my family

* paint my nails anything other than clear or pale pink

* calculus

* back a trailer

* pull an all-nighter

* confidently order in French

* remember the proper use of a colon vs. a semi-colon without referencing "Rules for Writers"

* label the countries on a map of Africa

I humbly submit these to our loyal readers in the event that we're ever faced with a Foxtrot-related emergency. However, should you need something color-coordinated and cross-referenced by zip code in time for the Happy Hour, do feel free to give me a jingle.

Monday Musings

Lacking anything content-rich for the blog, I give you Monday Musings. Do with them what you will =)

* I like Michelle Obama - especially her JCrew cardigans.

* I've become one of those people who's ridiculous about their pet. I guess there's no going back so I'm just going to start owning up to it.

* I can't foxtrot worth a darn. Honestly, we just spent two weeks of our dance class on foxtrot, and it's already left my brain. I sure hope I'm never in a life-or-death dance off.

* You can have my blueberries 'cause I don't like them. You can have my blackberries, too.

* I'm ready for the OPB fund-drive to wrap up. I bet I'm not alone. I wish I had lots of money to give them so we could all get on with it.

* If I had lots of money, would my first stop be a public radio donation? I bet I'd buy a few JCrew cardigans first. Now I feel shallow.

* I just answered "What is Voice Over Internet Protocol, Alex" to Jeopardy and made my husband proud. I got a fist-bump.

* We rent. I'm itching to own a home the way that most women my age are itching to have a baby. I walk by new construction and coo things like "don't you just love the way they smell when they're brand new?"

* All my blog-worthy ideas come to me when I'm at work or falling asleep. You would think I'm a much better blogger if you were just rattling around in my head all the time. It's funny in here, I'm tellin ya.

* Did you ever notice that, right after you learn a new word, you hear it/see it frequently? The word "nascent" and I have been playing this game for about three weeks. I think my new subscription to TIME magazine is partially to blame.

* I like TIME magazine.

* I like Lady Gaga.

* I don't know how to reconcile the last two statements.

* I tried to make these for my valentine last night. Martha sure makes it look easier than it is. I think I'll just buy my ice-cream sandwiches from here on out.

Happy Birthday Mom!

Today is my favorite Mom's birthday! I tried to be responsible and call her, but she was out having birthday fun and didn't answer her phone. So I'll leave my birthday greetings here on the blog and, sometime in the next week or two, she'll figure out that I didn't actually forget her on her special day. This kind of emotion is ripe for a made-for-TV movie.


Reasons my mom is rad (in no particular order):
* Single-handedly keeping the Post-It company in the black.
* Has an iPod loaded with classical music.
* Her philosophy on aging: "Every decade is better than the last."
* Frequently walks into a room, forgets why she's there, and wanders out again. Doesn't seem bothered by this.
* Will try anything. We taught her "Just Dance" on the Wii at Christmas and she showed us all up.
* Strategically places chapsticks in places where she needs them. At last count there were 14 chapsticks placed around the house and car.
* Cooks the tastiest healthiest tastiest food. Nom nom!
* Has an impeccable list-keeping system for everything but misplaces the list...
* Let's me win Scrabble every few years.
* Plays trombone like it's her job. I have yet to see her meet her equal.
* Her philosophy on parenting: "Let's just sit back and watch her and see what she does."
* Sings everything in solfege. EVERTHING.
* Is in better shape than I am, and probably always will be.
* Rides the bus because she thinks it's fun to figure out the best home-aerobics-Albertsons-home route.
* Doesn't sweat the small stuff.

I could go on and on, but I have to go to dance class (where I am failing miserably at Foxtrot, but having a lovely time doing it).

HAPPY BIRTHDAY, MOM!!! Love you =)