The Freshies are Coming!

Aren't they cute? No, these kiddos are not Jessie's 4th-graders. Believe it or not, these baby-faced, born-in-1990, text-messaging, Ugg-wearing little darlings are about a third of my incoming "first-year students" for the fall. They had their New Student Convocation this afternoon so we all dressed up in our regalia and marched them across the campus under the banners of their respective colleges. It's a pretty fun tradition that they get to repeat again when they graduate - bagpipes and all! (And it's a good excuse for me to put some more miles on my mortar board...I love a parade!)

Would you like to get to know the freshies? Well, it's your lucky day, friends. Every year, the Beloit College Mindset List is published and distributed to higher-ed junkies like me. It's supposed to provide us context from which to relate to our freshies. You know what it really does? It makes my stomach hurt. I have to share this special pain so we can all feel old together. Are you ready? In my freshies' world:
- Harry Potter could be a classmate, playing on their Quidditch team.
- Since they were in diapers, karaoke machines have been annoying people at parties.
- They have always been looking for Carmen Sandiego.
- GPS satellite navigation systems have always been available.
- Coke and Pepsi have always used recycled plastic bottles.
- Gas stations have never fixed flats, but most serve cappuccino.
- Girls in head scarves have always been part of the school fashion scene.
- Grandma has always had wheels on her walker.
- Films have never been X rated, only NC-17.
- Clarence Thomas has always sat on the Supreme Court.
- Schools have always been concerned about multiculturalism.
- We have always known that “All I Ever Really Needed to Know I Learned in Kindergarten.”
- There have always been gay rabbis.
- IBM has never made typewriters.
- They have never been able to color a tree using a raw umber Crayola.
- There has always been Pearl Jam.
- Pee-Wee has never been in his playhouse during the day.
- They may have been given a Nintendo Game Boy to play with in the crib.
- Macaulay Culkin has always been Home Alone.
- They have never known life without Seinfeld references from a show about “nothing.”
- Windows 3.0 operating system made IBM PCs user-friendly the year they were born.
- Students always had Goosebumps.

How's that for a reality check? I'm going to go take my multi-vitamin, slather on the eye cream, and google-map the fountain of youth.